Mali says hi.. she misses you so mUch..

Whenever it was the time that I think about him. My heart aches. My heart beats as it always does but then. Every beats ; each one of the beats hurts so much. My heart was crying whenever my eyes still dries. It was harder when I can't express my feeling. I hate that I am still thinking about him whenever I know that he never think of me. I hate that I know the fact. I hate that I know it. I hate that I perfectly understand, that I am no one to him. Nothing than just as friend. I hate that it happen to be.. I liked him. I hate that it happen to be I fall for him. I hate that I kept on thinking how sweet he could be. I hate that I kept on thinking of our possibility. I really hated that life.. is never as you seems in movies. Love is never as easy as in movies. It possible that you don't even have someone that always with you whatever happen. A person that know you more than you do. Maybe I still didn't found him. Which also mean that.. he was not the one. And I hate the fact that I did so many thing for him. I hate that I was so stupid all the while. 
I don't understand why can't he like me too. I don't understand the meaning of our friendship. I don't understand any of it. Or maybe I'm the only one who misunderstood everything from the beginning. And that mean.. It was not his fault. I was the one who try too much.  I was the one who hoped to much. I should have known where I am standing. I should never hoped. I should never know him maybe. I should just moved on. 
But I can't. 
How am I going to move on? How am I going to live without being haunted by his laugh, his jokes. Without him anymore in my life. How am I going to move on? How am I going to make the pain go away? How am I going to forget him?
My life is a mess. I have a great mom and dad who loves me so much. Wonderful friends that always support me. I am smiling and I am very happy. But I can't make the pain go away. That pain stay deep in my heart that no one can ever tell. No one will know if I didn't tell. 
I really wished that I can cry for you. But I can't. My mind denied my heart desires. I can't cry for you. And so I can't make you out of my mind. I can't take you out of my heart. But you know what. I think its time. It's been so long that I'm going this pain alone. It's been so long that I've been hoping for something that was impossible. It's time to let go. It's time to appreciate myself more. I need to cherished myself. I need my life back.  I need my happiness and you.. You shouldn't be there. Because you no longer belong here. In fact,you never here for me. I have to love someone who love me. And you're not the one. I have to. I had to let you go away from my life. I'll try my best. I know it's not easy. Its never been easy before and so it'll never be easy now. But I'll try. I'm so sorry for what happen between us and how it had turned out. I'm sorry that I'm being greedy. I'm sorry for even dreaming of it. I'm sorry for I'm not perfect and I'm sorry that I am heartbroken. I'm sorry that I can't turned back now. I'm sorry that I can't pretend like nothing ever happen. Time will revives everything. Time will heals the pain. Soon or later. I'm sorry that we can no longer be friend. I'm sorry for everything and thank you for being such a wonderful friend. I'll try my best to make you my best memories ever. And thank you for not contacting me. Thank you for your respect. Thank you for everything.
鸭肉,thank you.. and bye.

Suke tak?? KaLau suKe Like dan KomenLah yer? ^_^

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