Yup! I am young.. Just turned 19 by last November. What do I know about life? Nothing. Haha, funny though cause I am so damn sure that I’m in love. How can I be sure about that when I am not even sure about my future; I don’t even know what I might be, who I might be or who I’ll be with. I am very young instead. I have no experience that I can compare to someone who’d live for almost a decade.
(Speaking of my parent of course and any other person that was older than me)
Wonder how it would feel to look at your soul mate, well.. Let’s just say your husband or wife. Maybe for those who just got married would say very happy and start to imagine our happy future together. Well, I mean.. Watching them when you’re old. Not so old, but older; you know what I’m saying. How it feels, after almost a lifetime together, spending all the good and bad things together; what would it feels. Seeing your children growing up and comparing how much they resembled you or your partner, their habits resemblances, mostly to you or your partner, have a fight with him, have dinner, celebrate your anniversary together, buy your first house together, get a new car, birthday surprise, pillow fight before bed, brush teeth together before bed (again), watching movies together, have a sweet morning kiss, clean up the house together, wash dishes ; maybe it’s just another ordinary teenagers dream. I mean, girls dream. Coz the whole world knows us girls learned about love from novels, movies and dramas. We aren’t like boys. They learn about love from love. Which mean, they learnt it from real things. And we? From another girls dream that passed on from generation to generations. There’s nothing wrong with it. But it’s hurt when you felt it alone. Well, it doesn’t even matter actually when you are at my age.
Too young to decide, too young to settle down.
Ohh god knows how I wish to know what he feels for me. (all so sudden subject changes)
At least for once, God let me know am I alone in this or not. I actually don’t really mind now if he is into me or not. I just want to know the truth. I’m so stupid to realise that I’ve been waiting for him after two years had passed. I always think that I am over him. I can move on without him. I can be me! I can the Malia that I want everyone to remember me. I can b e whoever that I wanna be without him. And suddenly I realised I am not. There’s still a sparkle in my heart when I see him. Maybe I shouldn’t even see him. It’s a mistake that I’ve made. One that I’ll learn well; and one that I can’t stop myself. It’s a riddle that I can’t solve for long. And I only have another three years to figure it out. Two years is just in a split of second. Wonder how three years in time will be. I can’t imagine myself, seeing him in another five years and say,
“hey, remember what I promised you five years ago? I still love you, so what is your decision now?”
it would be like hell. It’ll be fine if I am the guy but I’m the lady now; it would be tough. Yet, I’ve made a promise that I can’t even abide. I always felt it, that feeling never leaves me. No wonder even the best guys in campus lose. Haha. (As if the best guys are into me, LOL)
Anyhow, if you are reading this, you! The guy who I meant! Yes if it you la, I’m just playing around before. Don’t rest aside coz I am not over you. Wait for another three years. Just another three years.. Well, I don’t really remember the date that I’ve made the promise, but anyhow, around another three years from now. Prepare yourself. I’m going to confess my heart again to you. In a brand new me. Today, another promise I made for you. In three years from now, I won’t be the same. You won’t see the same me. You’ll see a new me. I’ll be a person that men should want to marry.
Not as if you say, “you are the kind who got married late,”(maybe that would be the word when it was translated in English, I donno, my English is not so good, don’t judge me) and I’m not playing around.
You are the one who I wanna marry to. So if you don’t want me, break my heart earlier or you can’t stop me in another three years... (Aseh... As if I’m the one who have the power to pinang2 him LOL) No, don’t break my heart please,(_ _!!)?
So read it carefully, I Siti Normalia binti Sulaiman, I am waiting for you! I’ll wait! I’ll wait till the day of the promise. And if you still can’t make your mind at that very moment, there must be something very wrong with you! You have a girl waited you for five years and you still can’t decide, you are blind. I’m not saying I’ll be perfect at that very moment, but I’ll prepare myself too. I promise to be a better person Insyaallah. I prayed istikarah for three consequence night to know if I am right about you. And I hope, I really wish that what I feel is really guidance from God. Hehehe.. Now that I’m reading back what I’ve wrote, I am one scary girl. Hahaha.. Boys do get scared when girls talks about these right? Anyhow, I am waiting. I’ll always wait. Till the day come.
Let’s just say I’ll wait till we both grown more mature to handle this. I’ll wait.. I will always wait for you. Hope you know and you read this.. always am.. L
Assalamualaikum and peace you ‘all.. Wish me luck.. J